Educator Shows Off Ego Complex by Wasting Class Time

Lecturer Heard Blabbering About Being Professor, Not Teacher

Graphic Aysha White

Swaggering into his classroom with the fervour of a 12-year-old who recently discovered baggy jeans, Prof. Hugh Jass announced his presence by letting the door slam behind him.

He loudly cleared his throat.

Five minutes later, seconds after his introduction to biology class began, the 55-year-old began to rave about himself.

He metaphorically swung his smaller-than-average dick in the air.

Following an explanation of how he is a successful man who has done a lot of research, Jass spent 10 minutes talking about how frustrated he is with his students’ word choices.

Louise Bade, a student in Jass’ course, felt confused about the topics discussed in class.

“I figured he was going to talk about hate speech,” Bade recounted. “But all he talked about was how he is a ‘professor’ and not a ‘teacher,’ or a CÉGEP teacher, because professors are better and do research—that’s what he does.”

Despite the Oxford, Merriam-Webster, and Cambridge Advanced Learner’s dictionaries all using the word teacher in their definitions of professor, Jass continued his rant by saying, “Being a professor and being a teacher are two entirely separate things.”

Jass wrapped up his hour-long class by returning the midterm he had to curve by 10 per cent.

He proceeded to blame the students because no one studied for his class 24 hours a day.

“The way I teach you has no effect on your grades,” Jass exclaimed. “It has to do with everything you do outside of class. I should not be taking responsibility for your learning. That’s not what a professor does.”

Painstakingly, Jass proceeded to return 200 students’ midterm exams one by one.

Once finished, several minutes after class was supposed to end, Jass dismissed his students with a jolly “Fuck you all; I’m tenured!”