Art does not matter

Special Issuealexandra concordia — Published March 29, 2011

DISCLAIMER: All of this content is false. None of it is real. It’s meant to amuse and have a good laugh on what was an overly serious year at this university. If you get mad or for one fleeting moment think that any of this is real, please put this newspaper down and walk away. Seriously. Thank you.

The inaugural Art Does Not Matter Festival—a month-long series of events organized largely by JMSB students who don’t give a shit about art—kicked off today, to minimal excitement.

“I tried to get stoked about this, but I just don’t really get it,” said Finance student Joe Mohammed, as he absentmindedly scrolled through his stock portfolio on his BlackCherry. “Like, I made three grand before breakfast. I’m still not sure how we’re going to monetize this whole art thing.”

The festival began in response to the successful Art Matters festival, a three-week celebration of local art “and other bullshit,” explained coordinator Alex Nadeau, a third-year marketing student. “I don’t understand why the Fine Arts students get a three-week-long festival,” she said. “We need to show students that there are much more important and interesting things than their ‘art’, which, to be honest, I don’t even understand half of anyway.”

While Art Matters shows are traditionally hosted in local galleries, Art Does Not Matter coordinators have
chosen hallways and empty classrooms for what Nadeau called “stimulating non-art-related non-activities.”

Attempts to solicit comments for this article were met mostly with disinterest and confusion. “Isn’t print media a dying industry, anyway?” asked one second-year finance student, before straightening his tie and going back to working on a degree that might actually make him some money.

As far as this reporter could determine, the festival largely seems to consist of well-dressed JMSB students tapping information into their laptops and generally ignoring everything around them.

“We’ll probably think about planning some activities,” said John Smith, a fourth year finance student. “But generally I think shows and music and visuals just don’t matter.”

Not all JMSB students are on board, though. One accounting student—who spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of reprisals—said he “actually kinda liked” some of the work he saw in last year’s Art Matters festival.

“I was looking at this piece of performance-installation art, and I just started tearing up. That’s never happened to me before. It was pretty cool.”

The Art Does Not Matter opening party will happen in the lobby of the MB at 7 a.m. this coming Monday. No drinking, dancing, or fun will be tolerated. –alexandra concordia

This article originally appeared in Volume 31, Issue 28, published March 29, 2011.