Local 19th-Century Grey Nun Ghost Tired of Floating In On Dorm Orgies
“I just can’t take it anymore!” local ghost Mary Laframboise told The Link about the “sex fiends” found at the Grey Nuns Residence in Concordia’s downtown campus. The spectral aura has been hanging around Grey Nuns since she died in 1893, and says that her afterlife was fine for a while.
“At the beginning, things were okay. I did like most poltergeists—wailed around, knocked stuff over, occasionally appeared on the foot of someone’s bed,” Laframboise explained. “But now, man, I just don’t know anymore. Ever since Concordia bought the place… I just don’t know anymore.”
A transparent tear fell from her ghostly eye. According to the deceased woman of the fold, these new students just “don’t scare like they used to,” apparently greeting her ghostly form with jeers of “get a job, you nerd-ass ghost!” and “We fucking hate ghosts!”
The ghost complains of constant harassment like this, occasionally even facing ghost-related slurs (which, of course, will not be printed here, but you can expect that they are indeed verboten), and constantly floating in on giant college sex parties.
Laframboise isn’t the only ghost facing encroaching gentrification – many of her ghostly peers have similar concerns, and are losing ground to their new roommates every day.
“Just yesterday, I was floating around the halls, trying to do a little wailing, but I couldn’t even hear myself over that goddamn new Death Grips record! The fucking kids have been blasting it nonstop.”
Laframboise says she plans on remaining the resident Haunt of Grey Nuns Residence, but is unsure whether she’ll ever be able to enjoy Death Grips.
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