CSU President Resigns Because Head Stuck in Honey Jar

“Oh Bother”

Special IssueWulia Wabbit — Published April 1, 2013

Woodsman spent most of his morning trying to free himself from the egg-shaped jar, which he claims seemed much smaller than it had been the day before.

But, he admitted, it was hard to be sure.

“The more I try to remember,” he mumbled through a jar during a press conference, “the more I forget!”

Woodsman added that when one is “made mostly of fluff,” these things are much more complicated than they might appear.

Woodsman said he tried everything to get out, a claim that was confirmed by his VP External, Tigger Sauzon, who claims attempts to “bang every bump and to bump every bang”
were made, to no avail.

Not to be outdone, Saouzon stuck his head in two cookie jars, while shouting that he is “truly a wonderful thing.”

Woodsman made a plea for students, his council and most importantly his tummy, to understand that resigning was the most logical option given the circumstances.

“What’s a bear to do?” he sighed.

NOTE: This is spoof content. All characters and events in this article—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional.