Political Maneuvering

  • Graphic Joshua Barkman

Much like David Bowie, I’m afraid of Americans.

Well, not afraid of them individually. Most of them are really nice. And while I’m not exactly a shining example of musculature, I have watched a lot of hockey fights, and figure I could beat up most of them if I get their shirts over their heads quick enough.

I’m afraid of American elections, though, because they have this weird way of making me care about something that, objectively, I shouldn’t care about. It’s like watching a horse race that I haven’t bet on.

And much as I like watching short people on animals (it’s a lot like watching that YouTube video of a monkey riding a pig while squinting), I get nothing out of it. So why do I care?

Oh right. It’s because Jon Stewart is so much funnier than Rick Mercer.

Well, if I’m gonna base my interest on humour, let me be the first to endorse Rick Frothy Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter That Is Sometimes the By-Product of Anal Sex for American President 2012.

I don’t know who he’d pick as a running mate, but I can only hope he’ll go across the aisle and tag up with John Boehner. Or maybe the time is ripe for Jeb Bush to get in on the action… USA! USA! USA!

— Adam Kovac
Current Affairs Editor

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