Feel Olive My Rage At Once

  • Photo Celine Cardineau

When one loads up on Greco greens at Al-Taib or any downtown deli, one may accidentally encounter an olive lurking somewhere in the belly of one’s Mediterranean smorgasbord.

You lift your fork, with your salad suspended in midair; it enters your mouth like a train to a tunnel, you chew. Something tough hits.

Cue: molar splintering—which precedes choking akin to a scene featuring a Heimlich maneuver reminiscent of a Mrs. Doubtfire prank turned would-be manslaughter.

Why the fuck did nobody tell me there was a massive pit in my fucking meal?!?!? Too late now.

I died. I’m writing this from beyond the grave.

Why is it that in our politically correct, nutritiously conscious, ultra-informative society deli-people can omit to mention the existence of such deadly pits?

Moral of the story: delve into this salad headfirst and you may choke.

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