March 2, 2010 Special Issue

Love in the age of H1N1

GFE/BFE, consumerism and monogamy

by David Adelman

In the modern age of speed-dating, Facebook “poking” and Internet pornography, the concept of finding a soul mate seems increasingly disposable.

Constant partying, working overtime and extra-curricular activities may make it difficult to find the time to date and build solid relationships, even though serial monogamy is valued as a norm in our culture. But contemporary, competing ideologies—about relationships, consumerism, sex and services—seem to be changing for men and women.

The consumer love index

Dr. Yael Glick, a Concordia sociology professor, believes emotional relationships have become a commodity in our fast-paced world.

Glick thinks women and men are afraid of relationships because they fear opening up to someone else, or becoming emotionally vulnerable.

“People are starved for real connections with others,” she said. “They jump from one relationship to another before any real connection is made.”

The reason for this, she posits, is that our consumer-driven society has led us to believe that the value in bonding is mainly economic, with people not wanting to take the time to build relationships.

“I think people are petrified of losing control [...] but there is an apparent sense of control when you buy something,” Glick said. “We need to wake up from this fantasy. [...] Money can’t buy you love. [But when you buy something, or someone] the monetary exchange means the transaction has been terminated, with no obligations and no need to stick around.”
Francis Ho, professor of sociology at Vanier College, begs to differ. He explained that society is too focused on long-term financial commitments, which plays into isolationism.
“Human beings are basically social animals,” Ho said. “Establishing relationships, and ultimately finding one’s mate, has always been our prime activity, if not purpose, in life.”
Ho said one should indulge a little bit in finding their life partner since, “before you know it, it’s retirement time!” Ho added that he doesn’t understand why people would want to skip dating, if a long-term partner is the ultimate goal.

The Girlfriend Experience

The Girlfriend/Boyfriend Experience has literally converted emotional relationships into a commodity. A recent trend in the sex work industry, the Girlfriend/Boyfriend Experience allows for clients to develop a more intimate and personal relationship with those they pay for pleasure.

Émilie Laliberté, general coordinator of Chez Stella—a Montreal organization providing sex-workers supplies and tools to work in safety and with dignity—explained how more escorts are answering to the GFE/BFE demand by increasing their services.

“Ten years ago, a GFE was an independent escort that businessmen would seek for private companionship to accompany him on business ventures,” said Laliberté. “The experience would be intimate—involving kissing, massaging and cuddling—making her client feel more like a lover and learning intimate information about their life.

“It doesn’t mean the escort will spend hours with the client,” she continued, “but people want to feel special.”

The girlfriend/boyfriend fantasy is about making a connection, even if temporary, Laliberté concluded. “[It] makes people feel like they’re needed for a short period of time.”