Posture of Patriarchy

Graphic Madeleine Gendreau

For years I had terrible posture.

It got worse as I got older, and coincided with the development of certain feminine curves. Men loved to give me advice on self-empowerment.

“Honey, don’t be ashamed of your breasts!” my condescending male yoga instructor told me confidently.

“I have a stepdaughter your age, so it’s okay for me to tell you about that,” he added in response to my look of shock. The happy confidence I’d cultivated in the hour of practice dissipated as I questioned my supposed weak character.

Several years later, a cis-male gay friend and I were out for drinks. He seemed the opposite of oppressive: femme and empathetic, I was really comfortable around him. Out of nowhere, he kindly showered me with unsolicited advice.

“Your shoulders are pretty rounded,” he pointed out in a selfless show of concern and solidarity. “You shouldn’t be so ashamed of your breasts,” he encouraged me. I thanked him for the advice and vowed to live up to the effortless straightness of his muscular back.

In a world made for men, any problems with women’s bodies and minds are assumed to be personal flaws.

My posture got better when I got a dishwashing job, hauling huge pots of water and strengthening my back and shoulder muscles. It improved even more when I began to swim, developing the strength I had been missing in the stretching-centric sports—that are seen as appropriate for women—I had been doing for so long.

For the first time a few months ago I got fitted for a bra. It turns out I had been wearing a cup size three times too small for me, with a band size two sizes too big. The woman who fitted me gave a knowing smile as I gasped in shock and delight as I put on a bra that fit for the first time.

With the weight of my mammary glands supported for the first time, I felt my shoulders relax, my spine straighten, my muscles release. For the first time in years, the literal weight of the misunderstood female condition was lifted off my back and my psyche.

I walked with straight-backed confidence out the door, into the street, and ready to face male hegemony with one less obstacle in my path.