Nah’msayin?

Shyamalan in San Fernando Valley

Graphic Vivien Leung

Hey M. Night Shyamalan, I just thought of the perfect career shift for you.

I’ll give you a hint, it’s writing and directing hardcore pornography. Sure, it doesn’t have the cachet of a major studio production but let’s face it, that ship has sailed.

Think of the possibilities: man and woman meet at a bar, have a few drinks, go back to his apartment and get down to business. After a riveting, tastefully shot, sex scene you throw the audience the old M. Night curveball.

Guess what audience, the people you just watched do it were brother and sister. Booyah!

How bout this one? Man shows up to this woman’s apartment to fix her cable. Somehow her top just kind of falls off and then they start doing it right there. Once again the scene is a memorable and super erotic piece of cinema. And then just when you think everything is cool, it turns out the woman has been dead for years.

WHAT? You just got served a steaming plate of Shyamalan surprise bitches!

I’m just saying think about it. Really, think about it.

—Buck Nasty

This article originally appeared in Volume 31, Issue 19, published January 18, 2011.