New CSU Campaign Seems Just Right

“Idle All the Goddamn Time” a Resounding Success

Inspired by the politically active climate they’re surrounded by, the Concordia Student Union launched a branding campaign that will encompass all of its activities: Idle All the Goddamn Time.

“We originally wanted something more proactive,” said former President Lambert Woodsman, who was not only the inactive force behind the initiative, but also its inspiration. “But fuck it. That seemed hard.”

Originally, the CSU execs had vowed to complete a variety of projects, ranging from booking a huge star at the orientation concert to kick off the year, to revitalizing the conversation around student space. But eventually they ran into a wall—and they figured they’d just stop there.

“It really culminated around the student space project,” said Woodsman, who was wearing a bathrobe, boxer shorts he appeared to have been wearing for several days and a T-shirt that read “Party Naked” and was covered with prominent mustard stains at the time of this interview—which was 2 p.m. on a Wednesday.

“I mean, could we have educated ourselves on the phenomenally corrupt and wasteful past of that portfolio and adjusted our strategy around it? Hell, yes. But again, that would have required work. And we soon realized work is tough,” he said.
“So, you know. Whatever.”

Under the tenets of Idle All the Goddamn Time, the CSU offices have begun resembling the shambolic aftermath of a large-scale garbage strike, with piles of refuse accumulating and a smell not unlike the sour stench of curdled milk circulating in most offices.
Several executives were seen yawning while languidly scratching sensitive parts of their anatomy.

“Yeah, it’s pretty gross around here,” said Woodsman with a touch of pride. “Really representative of our job thus far.”

Woodsman acknowledged that Idle All the Goddamn Time is a new project, but has deep roots, going all the way back to the fall Orientation concert, which after years of such notables as Snoop Dogg and Stars performing, featured a band nobody had ever heard of.

“Would we have liked to have a band not named BADBADNOTGOOD, which provided you guys with easy punch lines?” asked Woodsman. “Sure. But look, Idle All the Goddamn Time is a way of life. That being said, we did get off our asses to help next year’s CSU. We already booked next year’s Orientation act!”

When pressed for details, Woodsman acknowledged that the bands lined up are Fucked Up, Bad Company and Bad Brains.

NOTE: This is spoof content. All characters and events in this article—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional.

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