Admin Goes Lyrical

  • Graphic David Barlow-Krelina

In a stunning revelation, Interim Concordia President Freddy Flowy has announced his plans to launch a hip-hop career following his upcoming departure from the university.

“The hippety-hop music has always been close to my heart,” said the 78 year-old. “Even back when everyone was doing the Charleston and listening to Charlie Parker, that young scamp, I was thinking in my head ‘I could write some real gangsta shit over this.’”

The self-proclaimed MC Flowy, then busted out some impromptu rhymes, asking Concordia Spokesperson Christina Moto to “drop a beat.”

“I got rhymes cuz I come from Austria/around here they call me the boss-tria,” he rapped. “I tried to kill Reagan to impress Jodie Fosteria.

“Hmm… yeah, that’s pretty good. Moto, write that down.”

Flowy’s music career has gone through various stages, including a stint in the Greatful Dead following his time working on project MKULTRA for the CIA in the 1960s.

“That Jerry Garcia was a hell of a dude,” said Flowy. “We used to just fuckin’ blaze and jam and blaze and jam. Then that pussy couldn’t handle the drugs anymore.”
Flowy then poured a stream of Colt 45 onto the carpet of his office.

Following Garcia’s death in the early 90s, Flowy went through what he called “a bit of a lost decade. I was smoking a lot of hash, doing a lot of MDMA, which I should mention, I helped to invent.”

When he regained consciousness, Flowy began returning to his first love of hard-core rap, but soon found himself sidetracked when he was hired for his first turn as Concordia’s rector.

“Back when I was rector, I had so many rhymes going through my head, but no time to lay them down,” he lamented, adjusting the du-rag on his head. “I hated that they changed the title to President. It made my sickest rhyme obsolete.”

When asked to demonstrate, Flowy smiled, held up the wall clock he had stapled to his tie and performed a brief beat-boxing routine before laying this nugget.

“Overseeing a riot, Concordia’s never quiet, I’m looking for a condo, so my Board of Governor’s just buys it. If you see me, no need to hector, I’m so golden you can call me a prospector.

Something something something rector? Damn near killed her!”

As of press time, Flowy was negotiating a new record deal with Suge Knight, whom he called, “my homeboy who owes me for that whole killing Tupac thing.”

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