Sex and Pancakes

Not Feeling the Feet

OpinionsMelissa Fuller — Published September 20, 2011

I’ve been seeing a guy for a couple of months now, and we’re getting to the point where the “everything is awesome” stage turns into the part where you really get to know each other. Good news is, I still feel that we’re super-compatible—except for one small (or maybe not?) thing: I recently found out he has a foot fetish, and well, I don’t. I know this seems trivial, but I think sexuality is a really important part of who we are—and if this is a big part of his sexuality then, well, are we fundamentally doomed? If so, I’d like to find out before I get more invested…

Experiencing Cold Feet

Ah, the foot fetish—so often joked about that we forget that it’s actually quite common. I wholeheartedly agree that sexuality is a super-important part of who we are as a whole, and therefore is not the least bit trivial.

So are you doomed? Well, that depends—but before I get to it, a bit of good news: at least we’re not talking about vorarephilia here (which, by the way, is the arousal by the thought of being eaten by someone, eating someone else, or watching someone eat somebody else). That one might be little harder to play along with.

Now, how much of an issue this will be for your relationship depends on how intense of a fetish it is.

Is this a fetish that comes up every time you have sex? Does he need it to get off, or is it something he just kind of likes sometimes? Are you willing to explore what having a foot fetish means to him? I think if you really care about this guy and want to keep things going, then it’s worth giving it a try and seeing what all the fuss is about.

However, if you happen to be indifferent, this won’t necessarily mean you’re in the clear. Being willing to do it might be enough for some people—but your partner might not be looking for someone who’s simply willing to do it.

He likely wants to be able to share this with you and hopes that you will both be excited about it. Besides, there’s no real fun in getting off if you know your partner is counting down the seconds ‘til it’s over.
A fetish can be a major part—in some cases the most important part—of someone’s sexuality, so how you feel about that fetish needs to be carefully considered. Would you be ready to add feet to your sex life long-term?

If you aren’t, he may never truly be satisfied with the sex he’s having, just like you may not be if you now have to fake being into feet—which isn’t really fair to either of you.

Ultimately, I can’t really tell you if you’re doomed or not. What I can tell you is that a fetish is as much a part of you as any non-sexual passions, interests or personality traits are and should therefore be given just as much thought when considering about your compatibility with your significant other.

Keep in mind that you’ll never find someone whose overall interests perfectly line up with yours (nor would I think you would want to), so it’s just a matter of figuring out how important sharing this particular one is for your relationship to grow.

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